"This Kiss, This Kiss…"

I know what you’re thinking – “she kissed him? What happened to being friends?” – and I want to begin by clarifying that there was indeed no kiss. I think the non-kiss though can say a lot. I may be a little loopy from finals week overload but I just have to write for the blog a little. The reason I decided to write this post is because as anyone who actually reads my blog knows (and that would be maybe one person), I have been pretty strict on myself about becoming friends with a boy before I get into any sort of relationship with him in order to stay away from the physical aspects that draw us in and begin to take over the entire relationship. I mean, how many times have we been in relationships where we just become addicted to being physically close to a person and lose the emotional closeness that we had or maybe even never had? I don’t even know yet if I feel like I can connect to him on an emotional level because we don’t know enough about each other yet. One good thing is that we are trying to get out and do stuff more, whether it be with other people or just to get away from my room where things can be tempting. I am so glad we went out with some friends last night and got to the mall today because it really let us be able to get to know each other away from the “I just want to hug you right now” lol. But back to where I was going with this post… Well we were sort of cuddling last night and we were being really close when he said something that made me think. He said “That would be a not friends-like thing to do…” (or something like that). He was referring to us kissing and I all of a sudden was like “He’s right…” I began to think about how a kiss can change everything. It controls your relationship, it affects everything you do, it even escalates quickly and pushes you farther and farther if you are not ready for it. The thing with a kiss is this: if it comes too early, it is really just a sign of boredom with the relationship. Because you can have nothing in common with someone and still be able to spend hours together kissing and stuff… and what the heck kind of relationship is that? Everything in a relationship evolves around closeness. The more emotionally close you are, the less physically close you can be. I think this is why we needed to get out more also, because we were in grave danger of spending too much time in the “me and him box”, which is to say we don’t actually see the person for real, only in one setting and only with us being close physically and that doesn’t help much at all.

Anyway, I finally had that talk about my confusion, well one of the talks anyway. It was really difficult for me because I think we are still (even though we haven’t done anything) getting too close too quickly and I am developing feelings before getting to know him. I ****know that in the other circumstance things went way too quickly and it is going to end up exactly like the rest of my friendships that were too close if I don’t have the conversation with him. I’m also still not sure I can make a choice based on my knowledge (or should I say ****lack of knowledge) of the two so far. Hopefully my choices in taking things slow will help shed some light on it all and help me to be friends with everyone as I figure my way in this life.

We went to the mall today and I bought a really cool belt and new shoes to replace my extremely broken Vans. I still want new Vans, but the ones I bought were cheap and I couldn’t find Vans anywhere… the belt is amazing though and I needed one bc my pants are all too big on me all of a sudden.

PS my apt-mate just bought me Doritos. I love her.

PPS it rained today :-) I stepped in a puddle in my new shoes :-(

Peace&Love&Rain