It was a pretty clear day out today. And quite sunny. I had to squint.I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what makes a relationship work. I’ve had so many questions for my best friends who are in lasting relationships about how they know what love is and how they found the right person. I have been searching for love for so long now, I don’t know if I’d be able to find it if it were staring me in the face. I’ve had my ups and downs and thought of many scenarios and possibilities and daydreamed about it so much it makes my head hurt. I finally got around to asking the first question and finding my first answer on this journey to love.
So as you may have noticed from my other posts, I have been playing around with the idea of courting. This is an idea that was planted in my head freshmen and sophomore year of college that I liked as an “idea”, but failed to implement in my own life. Every time I think about love, I think of my best friends. I have two best friends from high school and they are both in serious relationships. I have a few best friends from college, and two of them are in serious relationships. Now I know I have more friends in serious relationships, but for the purpose of this blog, these friends are my focus. I have always wanted to have conversations with them about what love is and how they knew that they had found it but the opportunities to talk about serious issues when we are all in different states (and some instances countries) is few and far between (even the one friend still at the same school and I never really have the chance to sit and talk about serious stuff). So I began thinking, what is it that I really want in a relationship? What do I want it to look like? I want someone I get along with, someone similar to me, and yet, who challenges me. I want to love him for who he is and in order to do that, I need to know who he is. I want someone I get along with. While bickering can be cute, it can escalate over time to real annoyances and on the outside, it’s not cute if you’re yelling at your boyfriend to get a haircut or crying because you had a disagreement. So I chose two of my best friends’ relationships to look at because they are more similar to what I see as ideal. Not to offend anyone else, because I am sure each relationship fits each individual and so I of course will have to tweak their styles to my own, but this is what I have come up with thus far: The two friends that I have chosen have each been dating their significant other for over a year and are faithful Catholics and so are their partners. This is something that is important to me as I believe it adds a basis on which the relationship can grow. I have never seen either of these friends have a fight with their partner so if they do, it happens without the world knowing. These are my best friends, so I would hope they would feel comfortable coming to me if they need to. This is not to say there weren’t disagreements, only that they don’t go around picking on each other. Another similarity between these two of my friends that is unlike my other friends is that they both entered into relationships using a concept similar to courting. I also feel I need to be more like these friends of mine because if I can’t talk to them about something that’s happening in my relationship, how can I be comfortable with it myself? It is dangerous to settle for less, as I have found very often. My new philosophy is that anything that I do in my relationship has to be something I would be comfortable talking to my best friend about. While I know my best friends wouldn’t judge me or act like they are better than me, but I know that if I want what they have, I have to be comfortable about communicating. I have been walking a thin line lately and need to bring God back into my life to monitor the choices I make. If I see God in my friends, which I should, they will be positive influences on my faith and relationship life. I am not entirely sure if this is making as much sense as it did in my head, but I’m just happy to have gotten it out on paper.
As of today, I sort of felt like I failed. Yesterday I came up with the ideas that would help me get started in a relationship and then I faltered at taking my own advice and ideas and implementing them. Now I am human and I can make mistakes, right now my main goal is to get back up and try again. Nothing can ever get accomplished if I give up and as my dad say’s of our family, “we aren’t quitters”. I will not let myself give up, I have a goal and when I set my mind to something, it will get done. No matter what. Because I am looking for love and nothing less. I will make it through.
Peace&Love&Rain!
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