Update!

So Sen10r Week was crazy and I hardly had enough time for sleeping let alone posting to my blog (trust me, every time I attempted to I fell asleep). Then this past week was hectic as well with me moving home and then a death in the family, a trip back up to visit my school friends, and then a cousin going to prom. On a positive note, I got a new bike today!! It was a birthday present that I just got to pick out.

I really cannot believe I graduated college. It seems so surreal. Graduation day was awesome; I held the wing-nuts, lol. The next step for me now is finding a job. I really hope I find a place soon, too, because I really can't afford much else. I hate spending money and I have to at least on Tuesday because some of my friends want to hang out and that means eating at some restaurant that I'm going to spend at least $20 at.

Also, I'm in process of planning a beach trip (!!!!!) with the boy and I need to save my money for that. It's not so bad right now, and I have a last pay check still coming from my school job, but I really do need to save money. I am so excited for this, and I really cannot wait!!

I've really been trying to conquer the neediness lately because we are far away and it's getting a little easier since I know he can't just come over whenever I want him to. I miss him most days but tonight I'm acting all insecure and jealous. I know that it's easy to brush that off as silly, but I just get protective but also scared because it's not like we are dating and I have a reason to despise other girls...I really have a problem. This is my cue that I have become way too involved. I mean, I know labels are not important to him or whatever and that I haven't really been there 100%, but I did try to be honest and felt guilty about everything that was going on. I mean maybe I was guarding myself from jumping into a relationship right away, but it was mainly because of my other unfinished business. Thinking about it though, I clearly made my choice when I started hanging out with him after that first night though because wasn't it just the night before that I avoided someone else? If I really felt strongly for the first person to begin with I wouldn't have moved on so easily, but if I didn't care as much, I would have walked away at the first chance and not waited for the other one. So even though I've made my choice, I know it can still be difficult. I mean, even after I knew what I wanted I still faltered when I was drunk. So why should finding the right person be so difficult? It must be because the right one is hard to find. I know that seems repetitive, but I have been thinking a lot about it all lately and it seems that even if there is any doubt I get nervous. And now my stomach is entirely twisted because I don't know how to feel because I am already invested and don't want to get hurt. I've been hurt too much and found out it was wrong too often to be able to be okay with this. I'll get past it, but the distance doesn't help. Okay well I better go, I want to think about the fun things like planning a mini vacation with him :-) I have been daydreaming about it all day and cannot wait!!!!!

Peace&Love&Waves