I think this is how love goes...check yes or no

Well we survived Hurricane Irene with only a half a casualty...one of our trees split in half that is. There was not enough rain for my taste but some areas got tons of water and flooding so I guess it's good we didn't get more.

Many places are still out of power so Gram's still living with us, but it's been fine. My retail job was canceled tonight since we have no power at the shoppes so here I am relaxing in my family room while Gram makes dinner (It smells awesome, Italian food for the third night in a row - I should live with Gram all the time). Thankfully her house is dry (no flooding in the basement-a big surprise) but the sink hole in front of her house is really bad. My other grandparents got water in the basement and are still braving the power outage. My aunt who lives down the shore just returned and got no flooding or damage at all. I think my family's been really blessed.

Today at work I had a quick day and at the end there was a cute encounter with the boy who pretty much loves the situation as much as I do, lol. Something about salaries and a coworker making a comment and us...just being silly. It is worth it all for that, haha...but anyway, many things have occurred to me recently and I've suddenly realized how nice it is to just be single and I found myself becoming comfortable with the idea of being single. After the wedding I felt like my friends had given me a challenge and I'm going to try my hardest to remain happily single for a while until something/someone worth it comes along and offers me something real. No more settling and no more moping about anything :-)

Peace&Love&Hurricanes!

I wish I was capable of falling in love. I wish I were able to let myself fall for someone completely and have them feel the same about me. I wish I could find the one I'm supposed to be with and really feel that strong connection. I wish I knew when, I wish I knew how, I wish it would be so much more obvious. But most of all, I wish I already knew and was already on my way...instead I'm just waiting and wondering why I let myself be alone and why I foolishly let people in that disappoint me.

Life doesn't always go as planned. I learned that a long time ago. There are opportunities and chances. You have to decide if it's worth taking or not.

Look, life doesn't always go the way you think it will. Things happen whether you want them to or not. You may not be looking for something, but that's when it could surprise you. Life's about the choices you make when you face something new and whether you put your whole self into it or walk away.

Love?

Some days I wonder if I'm ever going to find the right person for me. I've had so many chances that for whatever reason just couldn't work. I also have realized though that what I want isn't necessarily what I need. Maybe I need someone who doesn't want to see me 24/7 and isn't going to ask me to hang out every night. I thought I needed someone nearby to see all the time but I think I need someone to see once in a while. Maybe someone to randomly hang out with after work sometimes. But I also want someone to take me on dates, to actually go somewhere and do something. I want someone who's not afraid to take chances and someone I'm not afraid to take a chance on...but most of all I want to figure out how a relationship can work and be successful. Maybe I need to stop lying to everyone, especially myself. Maybe I need to stop trying to make everyone else happy and just see what makes me happy. But I also want to be able to slow down my feelings and not rush to an advanced stage in my relationship so that I can feel comfortable. I want to learn to date because I don't think I've ever actually had that part of a relationship. I think that's what's so frustrating, because schedules hardly ever allow for that. I sometimes wonder if I even know what I want...and I wonder if I'll know when I find it. Listening to my friend tell everyone that she knew on the first date that her fiance was the man she wanted to marry makes me wonder if I'll ever find that or if I am even capable of feeling that way. Again and again I ask myself what love is and again and again I'm left wondering if I'll ever know. Maybe I'm looking for perfect and perfect isn't out there. But should I settle for less? I'm not sure that's the solution either. It just...complicates things. But then, what do I even have to think about love for right now? Shouldn't I just try and date and see where that leads? Find out along the way what it is like to let go and trust someone? Maybe let myself fall in love? But why haven't I yet? What have I been doing all this time? Why do I feel like I don't want to waste any more time dating if it's not real? But I know I have to date in order to find what I'm looking for, it's just so frustrating. How come I have dated so many people and not found what I'm looking for yet when some of my friends found what they were looking for right away? Is it fair? Did I do something wrong? No, it's because I got exactly what I asked for, it's just that it always comes a little too late...So here I am, afraid to commit, afraid to be single, stuck somewhere in the middle forever. Maybe it will rain tomorrow.

<3 me